all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
