She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
