wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
