My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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