Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
