I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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