I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
