Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
