you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
