corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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