so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
