Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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