just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
