I am full of burrito and curiosity
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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