would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
