You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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