I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
