Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this beer tastes like vomit already
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
