my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
