Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
