All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
