So drunk its hurt
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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