If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
