He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
