I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
