He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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