He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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