Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
