I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You are a genius and a whore.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize