I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
