Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
