its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
