if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
