I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
