My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
