After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
