the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
