Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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