Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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