So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Small penises have feelings too.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
