i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
