He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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