So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
