the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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