A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need to get me chipped asap
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
false alarm, still single
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
