every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize