I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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