in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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