I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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