Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
