I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
