She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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