there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
