I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
