i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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