Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
