Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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