I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
