I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
