enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
