That's intense
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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