In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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