The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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