Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
