he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
