You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
