Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
