Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
