right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
