the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
