i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
