She said her name was "party"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize