I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
