I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
