Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize