im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
