You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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