A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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