I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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