too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
