I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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