When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
